Do you remember the time when you had to behave appropriately in front of guests or the time when you got a bicycle after excelling at school or the time when you changed your haircut just so you can get more attention from your crush?
You behaved appropriately for the approval of your parents. You worked hard for that competition because they promised you the reward. You cut your hair that way, just so she can notice you.
The only way you can teach is by validation — Meir Ezra
I am not saying that you shouldn’t have worked hard or behaved inappropriately in those situations.
Our environment starts drilling us with the concept of reward from the moment we are born. People keep telling us how our actions determine the way we get treated. This helps us build our confidence, self-esteem and relationships during the early stages of life. But all of this adds up and eventually, we start craving for our reward in each situation.
Why is no one noticing my new dress? Why is my boss not appreciating me in front of the team? Or maybe I shouldn’t say this thing because they won’t like it.
This is when it starts to become an issue. And the arrival of social media has taken this problem to a new level.
We post pictures on social media in a certain pose, at a certain place, with certain people and with a certain look on. Some do it to promote their blog while most people do it to get approval.
Do you remember how anxious you got when there were only 15 likes on something you posted at 2 am during the night?
How to get out of this never-ending cycle?
- Accept the way you are.
- Improve the things in your life because you want them to.
- Realise the fact that you cannot please everyone around you.
The last point is important because there exist people whom you do not like for no significant reason.
Life is not worth living when you think about others all the time.
It is just not fun. And always remember, you are fun ;)
